You thought it was over. You thought it was safe to go outside…but think ye not of the outdoors! For Cyanide and Happiness is here to tell you about everything that is terrible and dangerous outside the comfort of your own home!
So in my newfound browsing of the TV Tropes forums, I found that pretty much everyone considers C&H overrated. I completely agree. It is nowhere near my favorite comic (that’s Gunnerkrigg Court!) and at times it’s grotesque. But sometimes it makes me laugh. And I hold out for those sometimes.
Keeping that in mind, click here in the glorious tradition of not starting at #X01! http://www.explosm.net/comics/302/ As always, click the magic “next” button!
302. And we’re starting our trawl through the archives with a not-so-lovely guest comic. I hope this is done in all awareness of how awful it is because Green needs a slap in the face.
303. Only one guest comic? Huh. I…uh…don’t want to know why that makes any difference D8
304. Huh. He messed with Texas. *da dum pish*
306. Must…not…laugh…at…pun that is terrible for other reasons than puns usually are terrible…
307. Huh, I kinda want some invisible ink. Though certainly not to do this! D8
308. I don’t know when the “terminal disease as punchline” strips began. Maybe this is the first one. But I don’t like them. I don’t like any of the last few, really. They’re stupid with their shock value.
309. But now everything is okay again because THE PURPLE SHIRTED EYE STABBER IS BACK! AND HE DID NOT STAB ANYONE! Clearly because he isn’t quite purple shirted! Boy’s gotta get his act together before he can do any hardcore stabbing!
310. Huh. Wait a minute, if that’s a tattoo, why does it hang down from hi-OH MY GOD
311. There are indeed a few of these Trelaf the Wise comics. Trelaf is not often very wise. Just very reactionary.
312. LF does not like Jesus. (I dunno about you guys but Jesus was a pretty cool guy. The rest of us are only human.)
313. To escape your immature thoughts, you must pass them on to Trelaf the Wise! I laughed a little. C:
314. This is a little, uh, awkward, both in joke and in content. Lady, I think this guy has problems and I think you need to run as fast and far as you can!
315. You have to admit, Matt is right. I’m not commenting on the fourth panel because I don’t understand it.
316. Ah, another episode of Charles and Girlfriend! I don’t quite know what Charles was worried about, but he’s still an asshole. I’m really not enjoying #300-400 so far…
317. Okay, okay, I give, I give! I GIGGLED. It’s dirty, but it’s not offensive! It’s the way anyone’s mind would work.
320. If anything that’s a Suspiciously Specific Denial! (Oh, and if you haven't gotten to Chapter 22 of Gunnerkrigg Court yet, DON'T LOOK AT THE PAGE PICTURE) Poor fellow. He really needs to just accept who he is.
GOD-DAMN NUMBER SKIPPING!
321. TOAST? C: I’ve heard of money-rolled cigarettes but this is just ridiculous. (Money rolled cigarettes don’t actually exist, as far as I know. They’d be covered in STDs.)
322. 8[ On another note, how would Robert not notice until her water was about to break? (I had a dream I was pregnant last night. It was pretty creepy.)
323. LF has been Lol, Foiled! This will come back and be funnier later, I promise. I LOVE CYANIDE AND HAPPINESS SUPERHEROES. LF MAKES UP FOR BEING A DICK BY BEING A SUPERHERO.
324. A guest comic, by Fuelkat! Woo, a nonjoke that still manages to give a chortle!
325. Craig Wilson, really? Really now?
326. No. No. No no no no no no NO..
327. Well, uh, yes! Isn’t ALL milk breastmilk? An udder is a cow’s breasts…[/missingthepoint]
328. I. really. don’t. like. the. guest. comics.
329. WAIT, I TAKE THAT BACK. I LIKE THIS ONE. I REALLY DO. I love how they’re eyeless, it gives them a lot of personality. It’s also creepy, but…I dunno. I just like the style of the stickmen, it doesn’t feel as halfassed as the other guest comics.
330. I have to admit I was a bit gigglingly terrified by this crazy guy. But only a little. Just a little.
Guest comics. They never seem to end.
331. The picture hasn’t loaded yet, but I am encouraged a little by the name “Gordon Freeman”…WAIT, I WAS WRONG, I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG. *shakes head*
This is probably the most picturally explicit of the comics, and I just opened it at school. Heaven help me.
332. I’d say “with all the donations he has hidden away in his beard, he probably can”, but not all buskers are scams! Right? Please let me have faith in humanity still D8
333. Newsflash; it was a plane. 8/
334. Chriz…he did a guest comic before, didn’t he. But none of that matters, because HE KILLED A CYANIDE AND HAPPINESS SUPERHERO.
UNHAPPINESS RISING FURTHER.
335. Are these guest comics completely missing the point, or was there never any point to begin with and I just imagined one?
336. OKAY, GUEST COMICS, THAT’S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU, OKAY. DON’T MAKE ME ADMIT I LAUGHED AT PANEL 5. BECAUSE I DIDN’T. NO WAY NO HOW.
337. Um, no. I have completely blocked this comic out of my head. I offer you this strip of Shortpacked! in replacement.
338. ROB, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM TO BE OUT OF THE GUEST COMICS. To celebrate I shall go to my new farm and ride a horse. Don’t you dare make that a dirty joke.
339. WAIT A MINUTE, I LOVE THIS COMIC. IT REDEEMS MOST OF THE GUEST COMICS. Why am I suddenly curious as to what this would look like? BECAUSE I’M CRAZY. WOO.
340. And…and now I’m sad again. That garbage man is very mean and I need to not ever give him cookies again.
The only happy thing here is that I think the numbering’s finally sorted itself out. Wait, now I’m kind of disappointed…I’ve lost something I can complain about! D8
341. I wonder if there ever would be a such thing as a patty-cake tournament, somehow. It would be cute! Whore rays, whore rays are not cute.
343. I really don’t know how to react to this one. There really are Overeaters Anonymous-type groups, so…yeah.
345. SAMMICH SHOPPE! I’ve never noticed that title before! Well played, Mr. Creepy Shop Owner, well played. Sexual harassment of customers is a good way to get Sammich Shoppe shut down. Please preserve your fantastic name, okay? D8
346. No, seriously, this comic makes perfect sense. He exploded from jealousy that this guy is a professional rester, and he’s a doctor.
347. PURPLE SHIRTED EYE STABBER! If there are C&H superheroes, does that make him a C&H SUPERVILLAIN!? And is there really such a thing as Nerf Blowdarts? That sounds super dangerous…
349. This comic
SKIPPED A NUMBER is non-sequitorific. Such jealousy over milk! And if you don’t mind I’m going to hide the baby thank you very much
351. This guy’s joke was pretty half-assed to begin with (totally not making a pun there, not at all!), but Green just confuses and scares me…D8
352. I wonder if Grey has a job. Or if it’s just his calling in life to make jokes about homosexuality.
353. You know what, comic, I agree with you. Only about 10% of the guest comics so far have been anything but horrific.
357. Wow, that was, uh, a bit of a jump! And again I am compelled to giggle. I have no damned idea why. Batteries. Them’s deadly creatures.
354. I remember when I used to play massively multiplayer online role-playing games. I felt like Blue felt in Panel 3 for about two minutes every time I leveled up. Though I never felt the urge to stab anyone…
355. GHOSTBU- oh. Well then, I hope they take care of it. *giggle*
359. Um, damn, the numbers, they are a’ changing…I don’t see any jump rope. LOL, THAT LAST LINE. WHY DO I LOVE IT SO MUCH. There are like five comics so far that I love, but I love them intensely. I kind of wonder if this could happen in real life.
356. Like most C&H humor, this one is a slap in the face, but a good one! Except that Pinkish is an asshole. A REAL asshole. Let’s throw bricks at him.
358. This one I find funny because it’s so damn ridiculous. If I found someone doing coke in my living room I would call the police. And then run out of my house.
360. You know what else is ridiculous? These comics, where some sort of comeon or wordless understanding suddenly leads to makeouts. Somehow I wonder if this could happen in real life as well. D8
361. This is sad in a hundred ways. But hopefully it’ll bring these two closer together. In some sense. :P
362. I think they BOTH got served. At which I giggled. C:
363. Of course I know what he’s actually talking about. But does that stop me from making a sadface and wanting to hug Blue and hear him play? NOPE. BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS HIIIIM
365. Days in a year! To be fair to Green, the trash WAS taken out. See, it’s flying all over. (Dave’s comics I also like more often than not.)
366. Was 2005 when bird flu was raging? No matter, IT KILLED BIG BIRD. ;___; To sate your anger I give you this, which I just discovered was the inspiration for Dinosaur Comics #265, which I have edited accordingly.
367. I don’t understand this comic, not at all. It’s like it was written as an excuse to show gore.
368. I think with recent slang I have learned not to trust anything with the word “special” in it, and you shouldn’t either! Is it somehow bad that I only really started retching at “raisins”, though? I hate raisins.
369. Oh, the things no one ever tells you about orange juice. Like why they add paper pulp to it.
370. Charles’s jackass quotient just went through the roof. Though Girlfriend is an idiot for not just breaking up with him! Or, you know, turning him in to the police! Then again that’s not the way this comic works, unfortunately for our reason.
371. Why do I find myself thinking this is cute? I guess because it’s unexpected, inoffensive mostly, and…silly. Y’all would not be happy if I compared this to Monty Python, but they made a lot of silly out of serious things as well…
372. Humanity’s changed in 1,000 years, genie. Wishing for video games is like wishing for three more wishes.
373. SUPERHEROES!!!!! 8D Rubberarm Man returns! How did he draw his logo if his arms are rubber? Still, I agree with seizure man. He is not a REAL C&H superhero because he does not have a cape. 8[
374. Whenever I hear about mothers like this I want to punch them in the face. So I am not laughing at this comic.
375. So I was “meh”-faced at this comic for about five panels, and then I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my seat. YOU JUST GOT TOLD, DR. STICKFIGURE.
377. Eeeeeewwww. I did not want to read that just after reading about the Donner Party! (You’ll see what I’m talking about on Wednesday)
380. I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS, C&H. YOUR NUMBER SKIPPING IS DYING A SLOW AND LINGERING DEATH. I giggle, because Green is stupid.
378. LED paint, huh? So it lights up at night? 8P Poor dear. He is also stupid.
382. You’d have to love science a lot to read through the heavy rhetoric in The Origin of Species. So, I think Orange wins this battle. Also, SYRACUSE COLORS~ *waves at Ben*
383. Guess what effect The Sims 2 has on webcomic commentators?
I uninstalled that thing in June I swear
384. The hippie’s magic worked – I have no idea what just happened!
385. Would you look at that! The site (though not quite the comic yet) is one year old! Aww, look at all the copy-pasted characters! I think they did a “all of our characters” poster recently. It was much, much, much larger than this.
386. Dear Kris,
Please stick to stick figures. Never, ever draw cute fluffy animals ever again.
387. THIS SONG. IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD. Uh, the jingle about the beans, I mean. Not the actual song the beans make. I mean uh D8
388. This is, uh, surreal. Suddenly I really want to try these chips, though…
390. Santa must have a mad awesome exercise regimen to retain just the figure he’s famous for.
Because, you know, Santa absolutely exists. I still believe in him. Honest.
391. HAPPY 2006, EVERYONE! This comic’s taken ages (and something close to 365 actual comics!) to have a year turnover. I’m not going to pass judgment on Blue and Green, but if 2005 was what it was, I have to wonder what you changed…
392. HUNRY RUBIKS CUBE IS HUNGRY!
Why was that all I could think of when I saw this strip?
393. What a mean toilet.
394. Grey is being unreasonably mean. Looks like we might need that time machine in 2007 too. Though maybe the unreasonable meanness is the joke…?
395. Is this a point of self-reference because Matt, like me, is tired of this joke? I certainly hope so.
396. That’s…pretty crazy.
And also terrifying. Maybe it’s just me, but Dave seems to put a bit more effort into his writing at this point…
398. RUN, RUN, I HUNGER.
That is also the only thing I could think of.
397. This is the oddest foreplay I have ever seen. But also the funniest. x3 (To be fair I have never seen any foreplay and probably never want to.)
399. The thing I’m maddest about here is that this girl did nothing in her own defense…
400. Heavy? And the moral of this story is, Light Blue is a jerk! And also there is no joke.
Well, in terms of statistics (I guess), this batch had a lot more that I didn’t like, but it has its hits and misses. Perhaps next batch will be better. I try to remain an optimist or else I won’t survive.
If you do enjoy the comic so far, you can still get the lovely merch at this link! Their regular store still is not back online, despite it being three weeks since I first announced such. Oh well, enjoy the books and the app in any case!
This commentary series WILL be back, on the other hand, back with ANOTHER gag-a-day strip about stick figures! Also known as, Xkcd! I hope a lot more of you like that one!