Saturday, October 30, 2010

Dinosaur Comics #4, 300-400 [SEEN IT]

(Hey guys! Sadly enough, I have realized that doing Dinosaur Comics, basically the same comic again and again with little to no character development, is driving me into a state of sad ennui, kind of like reading a textbook. In order to stave off this ennui, I am taking a slight sabbatical and putting you and this comic in the very capable hands of my very good though not entirely present friends, S, T, A, M, and D. The story that they are a part of is only barely written, but I hope their characters are up to your personal standard. Start here:

so…um, yeah, i don’t really know what happened to you to get you here, but this freaky chick came and gave me this website and told me to read 100 comics for “the guarantee of your continued existence.” ummmmm, who talks like that??? I don’t really care but it sounds kind of important and Skuld’s giving me a bit of a sad look.

oh, Skuld says hi, you guys. Skuld can’t type, lol, and he can only read a few words. like, he can’t read. the chick said it was okay for me to tell you he’s an alien, but he can talk. he’s pulled up a chair and he won’t go away and he can’t read this or anything I type so I’m going to tell you guys he’s really stupid and he won’t leave me alone. Ughhh, now he wants me to read these out loud to him and make comments too. but he’ll only be doing a few, I can’t talk that long. ugh. stupid chick. whyyyyy is she making me do this I have better things to do

301. T: What the hell? Why couldn’t he just tell us what he wants instead of using bigass words like that? and what kind of juicy gossip is that? and what kind of stupid gossip would a f-ing dinosaur have anyway? “Haha guess what he’s dead?”
S: Tiff, what’s that? It’s an animal, right? Do they have them in zoos?

302. T: Really what the hell is this?! it’s the same thing every time!! DINOSAURS CAN’T RIDE BYCICLES. but haha this reminds me of when I got a bike and my little brother wanted to ride it but I wouldn’t let him so he stole it and rode it into a tree. my brother is stupid he shouldn’t have taken my bike!! but yeah I just drive everywhere. or my mom drives me. hair swoosh? I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH
S: Bicycle? That’s the thing with wheels in the garage, right? Can you teach me how to ride that?
T: No.
S: But I want to go to the zoo and see a dinosaur.
T: NO.

303. T: poetry contest? that’s what gay people do. this dinosaur is gay and this comic is gay.
S: Great…state! They rhyme, Tiffany!
T: I swear I wasn’t laughing. and aww the one in that panel with the orange freak is kind of cute

304. S: Hey, Tiff, why does the dinosaur have really little arms? He can’t eat with really little arms!
T: That’s just what he had, Skuld. ugh anyway. eeew that’s kind of gross if you want to kiss a dinosaur. I mean if it was a hot guy like Mikey I’d be okay
S: What’s that big word in big letters?
T: Pleasure – well I guess it’s okay if they’re both dinosaurs. oh shit there’s a girl under there SHE’S GONNA GET CRUSHED. STUPID DINOSAURS. and boys don’t want tons of girls, boys just want me~

305. T: ummmwhat thehell’s a fistinotspellingthis? oh, boxing? well just say it’s boxing. ugh I fing hate words. and what the hell’s that dinosaur’s name? I’m going to call her Freak because she’s a freak.
S: Fisacuffs is a funny word. I like it!
T: It’s not that word, you jackass. HAHA, knuckles and chuckles! That’s actually pretty funny. I wanted to name my boobs. I never could find very good names for them. I think I’m going to call them Edward and Jacob.

306. T: Who does stupid-ass stuff like that? That’s what BABIES do. I don’t understand this dinosaur at all –
S: Treasure?
T: NO. Wait, parties with morals? Parties are not supposed to have morals. They are supposed to have boyzzz! And wait what the hell no why did this comic turn into a history lesson. Ugh, I can’t believe it’s only Monday. I want to go to a party.
S: You never let me go to parties. Can I go to the next one?
T: Yeashure.

307. T: Wait, a what? We’re still doing that? Anyway it sounds like a kind of boring family party. and boyzz don’t go to those. wait, croquet? my little brother and I always used to hit each other with the mallets…
S: I’m happy they found the cups. Now they can serve the alcohol!
T: …moving on…

308. T: Dinosaurs don’t eat chips god. wait, what’s that guy up there? did they tape another dinosaur to the ceiling?
S: No, it’s God!
T: Skuld, god only talks to you through your prayers. anyway that guy on the ceiling is hogging all the chips. Wait, LOL, that skeleton joke is pretty funny. guy on the ceiling is weird, ohh, I bet T-rex is just imagining him

309. T: Um, dinosaur? Your party sucked except for the guy you taped to the ceiling! You didn’t even play spin the bottle! You didn’t have any cute boyzz! You didn’t have ME and now you know why! corker. haha that’s a grandpa word. maybe dinosaurs like dinosaur music. haha, dinosaur music
S: Tiffany, you are quite the corker!

310. T: this is kinda weird to read because mother’s day is like half a year from now. still, ugh, they’re dinosaurs, theyre mothers are dead because they’re dead. but panel 5 is still soooo adorable. but then it gets gross
S: I found a robot in the basement.
T: ..did you?
S: Yeah! I pushed a song and it started singing a button about love.

311. T: Ohgod ewww. I mean it’s hot when guys are bi and gross when girls are bi but when dinosaurs are bi I just draw the line. I mean you can’t have gay dinosaurs. just hot gay guys.
S: Curiosity…SATISFIED!
T: when did he say that?

312. T: STOP TALKING ABOUT IT, IT’S GROSS. unless you are talking about boyz and you are not talking about boys I know you are not, STUPID COMICCCC. Haha, panels 4 and 5 would be a lot hotter if they weren’t fing dinosaurs. like, super ultra hot
S: Is bicurious a heating system? I’m cold. I need some bicurious.
T: I’m not sure whether to correct him or not

313. T: Haha, I bet the joke here is that they’re taking an adventure through time, but ten they’re already taking an adventure through time, because they’re dinosaurs I really don’t give a crap. hahaaaa, I want to go back and time and be king.
S: If my daughter is my mother then I am my own grandpa!
T: what the hell?
S: Angie was singing it!
T: Skuld, dear, could you go get Angie? I need her for something…

314. T: well he should be gone for a while thank gawd. and stupid dinosaur everyone knows you can’t build a time machine. especially when you CAN’T MOVE!!! LOL haha. wait, lol, the bit with the orange guy is kind of sad…I hope they stay friends even though they’re dinosaurs kind of

315. T: Yes, dinosaur, we KNOW you can’t build a time machine, stop talking about it and move on to something else, like killing other dinosaurs!
S: Time travel is impossible, Tiffany. Koe told me it was. They tried and tried and you can’t do it.
T: Yes, I KNOW! Where’s Angie?
S: She said she’s coming.
T: Fine. Robot suits, whatever.

316. T: OMG, I LOVED THAT SHOW. NICK@NITE IS AWESOMEEE. *minimizes window, turns on song, jams out*
A: Hey, Tiff, Skuld said you needed my help with something?
T: In a minute, Angie, I’m jamming!
S: That guy doesn’t sound like he’s singing.
A: But he’s Will Smith. Even his rapping sounds like singing.

317. A: So, what did you need me for?
T: Yeah. Get to strip 400 and say it was me or we all die.
A: Huh?
T: *runs away*
A: Um, okay, Tiff…ooh, what’s this? Dinosaur Comics? I’ve heard about those, may as well check them out…
S: And read them to me?
A: Of course! Hm…there appears to be a dinosaur talking about airfare? And no one is listening to him. Poor bub. Though he really should get something more interesting to talk about…

318. A: Uh, this dinosaur’s a weirdo. What’s so funny about death in this context? But, you know, maybe that’s how it goes with dinosaurs. Especially dinosaurs that are not dead. And yes, quitting smoking is a nice idea.
S: I like how you actually tell me about the comics instead of just typing them.

319. A: Oh, is this one of those comics where the character is named after his species? That’ll be easy to remember! And talking to himself? Heehee, he’s crazy. I rather like this. I can’t tell if he’s actually crazy or just dicking with his friends, and it’s awesome.
S: Would we be better friends if we walked around naked?
A: No.

320. A: Bluegrass? *giggle* Who starts bluegrass bands? I mean, I can’t say there are any in town…
S: Isn’t grass green?
A: It’s a music style, Skuld.
S: Oh. Well, it makes no sense, if grass is green.
A: Precisely! Play the lyrics – I think this T-Rex needs to spend a little more time on Wikipedia, and brush up on his book learning.

321. A: Wow, I’d never think that anyone who does what T-Rex does in Panel 2 would ever even admit it to themselves!
S: Angie, you’re coughing a lot. Do you need a blanket?
A: Oh, no, Skuld. I don’t, I don’t. Anyway, T-Rex is being a meanie here. I mean more of a meanie since he seems to stomp houses and people every day. But…*giggle* I would totally eat all the cookies in a house. So I sympathize.

322. A: Oooh, a comic that’s actually about dinosaurs! Maybe it explains the plot.
S: No, I think it’s just more smashing.
A: You know what, you’re right! But that is the plot, after all. LOL, past tense. Funning with the fact that they are dinosaurs! Clever writing in this comic, I must say.

323. A: Email! It’s really weird. All the old people are always excited about email, but most people my age use IM and stuff.
S: On my planet we have video relays.
A: Yes, we have those too, but not for regular communication. And really I see no excitement in emails. It’s like writing a letter! Mama says chain letters like that were around in the 90s. I wonder if they still are.

324. A: Rajasaurus? Aren’t those the people that wear those hats and the dreads?
M: Rastafarianism!
A: Oops, thanks, Michael! And, oh, I see, but the dinosaur motif’s breaking down a little. How can he pick up a fork with those tiny hands? And why does the ending just sort of peter out? What’s wrong?

325. A: Spider-man, spider-man, does whatever a spider can…I think I’ll just skim this, I don’t know much about comics.
S: I really don’t like spiders, Angie. If you see any, can I kill them?
A: It would be better just to let them outside, Skuld.
S: But then they’ll survive.
A: Oh, so that’s what that line from that movie that everyone keeps saying…means…*is quiet*

326. A: I wonder who’s offscreen, sort of! Does T-Rex consider them less than friends for not being able to see them? And why does he hate when people care about their feelings? I like it when people care about my feelings.
M: But not when people are consistently asking you if only to make themselves look better for noticing you.
A: …
M: I’ll just get going, then…
A: No, it’s okay…
M: No, I clearly made you upset…
S: Angie, I can read it a little! Do…you…want…

327. S: Angie, I was reading that!
A: You can read this one, Skuld!
M: Why the hell would dinosaurs be talking about homecare? That’s just about the most random and boring thing in the world!
A: When your characters never change position you have to make everything interesting. And look at this! I never knew this much about homecare. I never even knew there was such a controversy!
S: *cheerfully says a bad word*
A: So…

328. A: Ooh, kites! I haven’t thought about kite-flying since I was a kid! I kind of want to go and make a kite.
M: Yeah, you go do that…I’ll be over here, watching.
A: Oh yeah, just sit over there and be a killjoy!
M: No, I…
A: Hey, look, he’s flying a kite!

329. M: How did he plant a garden with those tiny arm-
A: Sssh, we’re not supposed to ASK these questions! Heehee, Panel 3 is kind of cute. And the part where they yell at each other is cute as well. Hey, where did Skuld go?
M: Oh, wow, he fell asleep right in his chair.
A: That’s so cute!
M: Or we’re so boring.

330. A: Wait, I’ve heard of this! It happens to me ALL the time. How will I ever be known as a witticist if my wit is always too late coming?
M: Uh…give me a minute to answer that one, okay?

331. M: Whatever you’re reading, it doesn’t make a lick of sense. Dinosaurs talking about France, and now GOD?
A: But the mismatch makes it endearing, Mr. Fussypants. Hm, it reminds me of the Bible, a little. T-Rex will be known to his people as a mighty prophet!
M: All hail the bag of wind or else be stomped!
A: Don’t insult a mighty prophet or else be stomped!
S: *mumbles*

332. M: What kind of a house does a dinosaur live in? A cave?
A: Caves have a lot of personality. I think his friends are just too critical. I mean, as long as you can live there, so what if it doesn’t have personality or not?
M: Clearly you don’t know what’s important in life.
A: But…but I do.

333. M: That was predictable.
A: Michael, I think that was the point.
M: And that one down there, that was unpredictable and also stupid.
A: Can’t you at least try to enjoy this?
M: No. I, uh…do you want me to get you a drink or something?
A: Uh, sure! What do we have? Juice?
M: Actually I was thinking of a slurpee run.
A: You really want to get as far from these comics as possible, don’t you? Here, I’ll come with you, I’m always indecisive about this…we can finish these later. It’s fun to do them with you, anyway.
M: Ah-guh-wuh-buh-slurpees.

334. S: *mumbles, eyelids flutter* Oooh. Everyone’s gone. Dominic, can you read these?
D: No.
S: Can you read them for me?
D: No.
S: Pleease?
D: There’s a text-to-speech program on the desktop. Use it.
S: Ooohh. Save and restore…starting over? But that’d be bad. I like being with Tiffany and everyone else. I don’t want anyone to change that. D8 But, uh…I failed to prove my point.

335. S: NUCLEAR TESTING? Tiffany told me about that! It’s when people go boom, like if they go out in the sun too long. I…uh…boom?
D: Oh, move over, Skuld, this is pathetic and the text-to-speech voice is getting on my nerves.

336. D: This dinosaur is talking very pretentiously. Any of the other kids in my class would want to hit him. Me? I would prefer to knee him in the balls. I can’t stand people who talk like that. Knavery is a word used by people who are trying too hard. Or else people who are old. Old people try too hard.

337. D: I absolutely love this idea! If only logic would bend over backwards to allow me to execute it. Pssh.
S: Dominic, which one is which?
D: Does it matter that much to you?
S: Yes.

338. D: Why am I reading this? I’m eleven. Credit card fraud means nothing to me. People need to not be asshats with their information. That’s all there is to it.
S: World hunger doesn’t sound like a very good idea.
D: True, but that’s not our modus operandi, is it?

339. D: Intriguing…could anyone completely forget that they can do something, or even doubt it? And as for the next, the rhymes almost seem too perfect…
S: Dominic, look! It’s a dinosaur!

340. D: No comment.
S: They’re talking about sex, right? I think they’re talking about sex.
D: I said, no comment.
S: What’s wrong with sex?
D: I said, no comment.

341. D: This is foolish for the dinosaur to think. Everyone knows that everyone in the middle ages lived in stone castles, ate mutton and jousted all the time.
S: I have no idea what you just said!
D: This is a deeply interesting one…I’ll have to save it. *copies, saves* Too bad this is my sister’s computer and it will never see the light of day again.

342. S: Mary Sue? That’s a pretty name.
D: Only the prettiest name in the world. *rolls eyes* I think I would like to see this theory, T-Rex. Except that I would prefer that it were hand-copied onto another piece of paper, and not by your hand. I don’t want to risk hypnosis.

343. D: This tyrannosaurus is willing to apply just about every mode of philosophical thought to what he already does to justify it. There would be a message here if only I were interested enough to find it.
A: Skuld! We’re back with the slurpees! Oh, Dominic, what are you doing?
D: Oh…just reading.
A: All the better! But can I give it a go again? I love these!
D: *stands up and walks away*

344. A: Wait…he’s right! I feel so terrible now…I hope 20,000 people didn’t really drown! If they did…
S: If they’re poor the government didn’t care.
A: No, Skuld! That’s not the way things work on this planet, really! Wait…now I am wondering what all the Bangladeshi were doing near the Pacific. So I guess they didn’t really drown…

345. M: Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.
A: And eggs!
M: HAH. That’s actually pretty hilarious. He stomped all those log cabins and now he can’t find the doub…loons? Did anyone but pirates every use doubloons, anyway? I mean, what were they?
A: Money?

346. A: I can’t make any sense of this except for Panel 6. This makes me sad.
D: It’s a diatribe questioning the value or validity of individual expression.
A: What?
D: I’m just here to get a slurpee.

347. A: OMG! There were calculators in the 1800s? THAT’S SUPER AWESOME.
M: Even if it looks like they came to shit nothing. Wait, why the hell are dinosaurs telling us about this? They’re dead.
A: I’ve sort of forgotten to ask anymore.
S: Calculators?

348. M: More people should act like the third panel. Yanno, cause people are assholes.
A: What if self-improvement was a trivia contest?
M: You’d probably win. I mean, you know a lot of different things.
T: Just kiss her already!
M: ...Hey, Angie, let’s go drink our slurpees…over there.
A: ?

349. T: ugh, they tricked me! anyway, what the hell? sexual ambiguity? I don’t even know what that meaaaans. you either kiss a boy or you don’t.
S: What if you kiss a girl?
T: …
S: Is Michael going to kiss Angie?
T: Probably not, Skuld. Probably not.

350. T: I really don’t understand why god would want to talk to a dinosaur. dinosaurs can’t even talk. OR RIDE BICYCLES. stupid comic
S: This God guy sounds nice. Will he help me find my sister?

351. T: that would be really stupid unless they made it in 3D. stupid dinosaur. wait, no, 5-6 are ACTUALLY AWESOME. so yeah I’m going to go get my friend Casey and we’re going to make it in the front yard.
S: Can I be the husband?
T: casey’s not supposed to know about you

352. T: I dunno what finite means, but my favorite songs are lady gaga. alllways lady gaga. oh and T-Pain. Free Weezy!!!!!
S: *hums an unusual tune*

353. T: OMG that’s super weird. I don’t believe him.
D: Why not? It’s all true. Just because you can’t understand it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If that were the case we’d all be living in Justin Bieber’s harem. Oooh, logical incoherence.
T: I’m gonna tell mom you’re annoying me
S: Hi, Dominic!

354. T: Uggggh, do we have to talk MORE about computers?
D: No, no you don’t. Spelled out like that, it’s pretty fascinating…I don’t believe this comic has a plot. It just seems to be a repository of information.
T: Well if you love it so much why don’t you marry it?
D: Anything to get away from you.
T: *leaves in a huff*
D: Older sisters are weird. Anyway…

355. D: I’d have to disagree with Panel 3. Nowadays the gimmick is to put an extra scene after the credits, so that people will stay to see it. I know it works because it has worked on me for every movie I’ve ever seen.
D: ?
S: Angie says that random things are a plot twist.

356. D: Women. I’m not exactly experienced in this field.
S: Why not?
D: Because girls have cooties.

357. D: Huh, this is a tragedy. How am I supposed to learn anything if all T-Rex talks about is how he can’t talk? How moralistic. I wonder if I could use this on my sister.
A: Hey, Dommy, can we have a turn at the computer?
D: Certainly. How was Michael’s slurpee?
A: …huh?
M: >///>
S: *grabs slurpee and runs off*

358. M: Why did that little bastard say that?
A: Say what? Anyway, ooh, the dinosaurs are going to take a trip around the world? That might be interesting. I’d also like the see the world when I’m older. But I wouldn’t like to go alone.
M: Uh, I could maybe-
A: Oh, so I suppose that whoever I go with one of us would fall in love with the other! How cute! Whoever it is, he’ll have to be mighty handsome.
D: And a great supplier of slurpees.
A: Are you waiting to get back on?
D: Yes.
M: >////<

359. A: Maaaath?
M: I hate math.
D: Heehee…pi r squared.
A: I thought you weren’t supposed to know about that yet!
D: Pie is not square.
A: Unless you put it in a square pie tin!
D: Who the hell makes square pie tins?
M: Wonderful people like Angie?
A: Aww, thank you!

360. A: I really want to send this to someone now!
M: Oh…really.
A: But probably someone far away. If they’re right next to me I can tell them to their faces that they are great. I don’t need dinosaurs.
M: That’s true.
A: Michael, whoever said this thinks that you are great!
M: *floating on air*

361. M, A: What’s a neoclassical pastiche?
D: I can’t answer this either. So stop looking at me.
S: Haha, a neoclassical pastiche! Indeed!

362. A: *covers Dominic’s eyes*
M: What, what’s wrong? We read this last month. I mean, it’s not a linguistic masterpiece, making it a lot harder to read…
M: But Lolita was a bitch.

363. A: I have to agree with this dinosaur, youth is awesome!
D: But he’s a dinosaur, how does he know?
M: Young and…in…love. *furitive glance at Angie*
A: Yes, young and - *distracted* SHUCK THAT JIVE, MAN!

364. M: Attracting women is hardly this easy! Or even helpful. I’m not a god-damn dinosaur.
M: Really?
A: No I just love saying that. It’s my new favorite thing. SHUCK THAT JIVE, MAN!
M: Well, at least the orange guy knows my pain. Internet? Flyers? I may as well just kick this dinosaur into next Tuesday. This comic hates me…

365. M: Weddings…
A: I’ve been to a lot of my cousin’s weddings! First heterosexual wedding? I must have missed that comic.
S: *comes back* Weddings! Is your mom going to get married, Angie?
A: …
D: Oh, look, two men learning how to dance together. How heteronormative.

366. A: Aww, we didn’t get to see the wedding? Or the dance moves?
M: Never. This comic doesn’t move! Nothing ever happens except what we hear!
A: But it’s like storytelling. I like it.
M: No, I wasn’t saying it was bad! That dinosaur needs to stop being charming, it makes him an asshole

367. M: Holy. That’s the last thing I expected to hear out of God!
D: *falls over laughing*
M: This god is a very odd guy…
A: Poor T-Rex. No one listens to him! Oh, the orange guy is called Utahraptor?

368. A: This reminds me of a comic I saw called Y: The Last Man. I don’t think he was nearly this chauvinistic or stupid.
S: You know I’m the only Sarvon man on this planet. What does this mean?
M: It means that T-Rex is repulsive. Where did Tiff go?
S: I think she ran away.
A: Should I go find her?
M: Nah, it’s quieter this way.

369. A: Wow, this comic is depressing! Not only because he never got these jobs, but because he inserts himself into commercials.
M: And he’s a dinosaur.
A: This is a weird commercial. Is it implying that this woman looks that much younger?
D: *shrug*
M: That would be disturbing…

370. M: You know, this comic has a point. I’m sick of Tiffany.
A: Michael, don’t insult people when they’re not around! It’s mean!
M: But I’m just being honest!
A: *frown*
M: …
S: Who’s Megan?

371. M: This sounds kinda like Lit, when we talk about weak women in Shakespeare plays and such when they treated their women like shit.
A: They still treated them badly, you have to admit. And I disagree with T-Rex, this IS pretty interesting!
M: That’s because you actually think reading these is interesting.
A: There’s only 29 left! You can’t have too much to complain about!

372. A: Wait, what? What’s wrong with that? Here you are talking about presentism and now futurism is an evil? But…I want my flying cars!
M: I think this T-Rex has too much time on his hands. He needs to get laid.
D: Too little sleep can cause hallucinations.
M: Yep, what he said.
A: I want an internet robo-nano-maid. Wait, what’s that thing in the last panel?
M: I really have no idea…

373. M: The history of history? Oh, just kill me now.
S: But I don’t want you to die, Michael!
M: Skuld, that’s not what I meant…geez!
A: Would it be overly bad to say that I don’t really mind if older works use “he” to refer to any human being? I mean…

374. A: Haha, I know how this feels! Sometimes I even forget where something is, even if I’m holding it!
M: Angie, that’s not all that good…
A: Panel 3 is fantastic because it reads too far into things. Even though I still want to give T-Rex a pack of batteries.
S: Angie, can we play some Youtube?
M: Eh?
A: He’s obsessed with “Rock That Body…” *turns on*
S: 8D *dances*

375. A: Hey, what a coincidence! It’s a party in this comic and everyone’s invited!
M: My house isn’t invited.
D: I’ll be in my room until you guys stop playing drivel.

376. M: You know what, I’m not even going to question a T-Rex getting a sunburn when he’s a DINOSAUR. With SCALES.
A: Yes, we’ve established this.
M: >.>… And of course he’s underevolved –
A: He’s a dinosaur! *giggle* Oh man, this is silly.

377. A: What’s a circle wi- OH. Now I know what it is! That’s also known as a Gilligan Cut.
M: No, a Gilligan Cut is when someone refuses to do something, and then you cut away and they’re doing it.
A: How do you know this?
M: …>.> Also, the lower panel set is annoying. Appropriately so.

378. A: This is a good point. But it would change the face of social interaction forever. I mean, what if everyone was desensitized to everything?
M: Angie, I love you.
A: See? You say something outrageous and unexpected, and I’m totally desensitized to it!
M: *facepalm* Oh, this is about social graces…oops. I’m going to…stay here…

M: But they die.
A: So do y – D8 BAD T-REX. BAD.
M: And his stomping on houses meant nothing to you?

380. A: Oooh, it’s a Livejournal entry! I haven’t updated mine lately…
M: Livejournal is for whiny bastards. Kind of like this.
A: But this is my life.
M: Oh, uh…no, no it isn’t. You have people that like you…
A: Why would you ever want a hug to be anonymous? Friendship is…
M: *tries to hug in chair*
A: 8D?
M: *pulls away*

381. M: Angie, I don’t want to learn anymore.
A: But fatalism, this is pretty cool! If events are predetermined, then who predetermines them?
M: In-universe, it looks like God.
A: What an odd universe.

382. A: Time for some what-ifs! All present will each answer one. Humans would be stomped on for all eternity.
M: We could then stomp on the dinosaurs.
T: is transgender like when you have one of each
D: Wouldn’t the orange one already know what he said? Wait, I think he does. Ah, time paradoxes.
S: My friends are the fantastic four! They are fantastic, and there are four of them!

383. A: Okay, I have to be angry here. That’s the worst story ever written! There’s no plot, no suspense…why should this be published when I can’t even get anything written! It breaks all of “show, not tell!”
M: I think she’s pretty well entertained, yea?
D: Yea.
M: Choose Your Own Adventure, I remember those…are they still in the elementary school library?

384. A: *gleeful* Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure! I’m Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
M: *also suddenly gleeful* And I’m Ted Theodore Logan!
A+M: EXCELLENT! *air guitar*
D: And thus did Angie and Michael pretty much recite the entire comic.
S: How did they make that twingy noise by just moving their hands? I can’t do it…

385. A: That was the best thing ever. Moving on…wacky! Goodness is that a tacky word!
M: I don’t really think all this stuff is wacky, just pretty unusual. It’s just the T-Rex’s tone that’s making it worse.
A: Hey, you were supposed to say a word that rhymed with wacky!
M: …hackey…sackey?
A: Aww, you’re cute.

386. A: It’s a crazy vs. wacky debate!
M: Wait a minute, if God thinks his friends are crazy, doesn’t that make them crazy by default?
A: Sssh, stop it with this logic business!

387. D: I think this is what they call a “shaggy dog story.”
T: You mean like Scooby doo?
M: Tiff, where the hell were you?
T: hoping you wouldn’t notice me
A: I still really don’t like T-Rex’s novels. T-Rex would be perfectly charming if not for the crap he writes.

388. T: ugh, I read that book. it was all about periods an-
A: I have a feeling you only read the back cover.
M: MOVING ON. Jokes? A chance to talk to God and all he wants to talk about is jokes?
D: Does this constitute a declaration of belief in God?
M: …

A: What a dull haiku. I’m not even sure what to imagine next. And Panel 5 has a point…
D: Could it be that Angie is jealous of T-Rex’s ability to put out information that is a success despite being utter drivel?
A: …
D: Which would of course explain the shrine to Stephenie Meyer in her closet.
A: I was eleven when I made that. ELEVEN.

390. D: Women!
T: laydeeezzz
M: The last thing this dinosaur understands.
S: I like women!

391. A: *evil grin*
D: Oh, not again…
A: I believe in miracles!
M: Where you from, you sexy thing?
T: eh?
A: I believe in miracles, since you came along!
M+A: You sexy thing!
A: Aaand I don’t know the rest of the song.
M: I think it’s about sex.

392. A: Aww, I’d hate to get this.
D: You don’t have a boyfriend.
M: Angie, if anyone ever sends this to you, I will make sure they die a slow and lingering death. Wait, breakup email? Nah, the worst is breakup texts.
D: Wait, no, this comic has an uplifting ending. Your ex is a jerk. Wait, what?
A: Uuuhhh…

393. S: Doggie! I’m going to feed it and pet it and take it on walks!
D: Call it a hunch, but I believe Angie is more and more disliking T-Rex.
M: I hope he listens to that white dinosaur…
A: …huh?

394. M: Mmmm, naked people.
D: But the dinosaurs are already naked.
A: But we are not.
D: …

395. M: *reads first three panels* Uuuuhhh…why would you ever want to do that? Except by being stupid?
A: *covers Dominic’s eyes*
D: Get your hands off me, woman. I do agree, presents.
M: Maybe Dominic is a normal child after all…

396. A: Time travel advice? Aw maan, I wanna travel back in time!
M: Not like this, you don’t. Look at this! Living out your life again? Drastically changing your past because you don’t remember what you did?
A: It’s kind of like The Butterfly Effect!

397. M: Isn’t the T-Rex lucky. I once saw a grey-skinned alien running down the middle of the street with a large blob monster chasing after him only to go to sleep and realize it was all a reality.
S: Hey, I remember that!
D: I wonder if crazy sexual dreams are common in adults.
A: Eeehh…

398. T: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING? everyone needs a cell phone. how else will you keep up with the latest dramas?
A: Be a drama-free individual?
M: People with cell phones got teased in 2004?

399. M: Vindicated by God. There is no better feeling in the world.
A: No one really uses ringtones anymore, notice? Everyone just has vibratey phones, because ringtones can be heard during class or interrupt meetings and such.
D: I wonder what sorts of deities the orange guy can see. Probably Satan.
A: Or those lesser gods.
(Note from Carth: The Telefrancais Mp3 link still works! And it’s cute :3)

400. A: I give up. I really just give up. Tiffany, you finish this.
T: alright fine gosh. pretzels? what the hell?
M: Oh, no…eeeww! We’re done, right? That’s it, no more!

(Well, I think they enjoyed that, don’t you? I mean, Angie’s still muttering about T-Rex and Michael still seems to be retching, but they enjoyed MOST of it, which I hope you did too despite the obnoxious lateness of this commentary that was supposed to be up on Wednesday! I promise you, the Cyanide and Happiness commentary that was supposed to be up on Friday will be up in all deliberate speed.

I don’t quite remember what merchandise I’ve promoted in the last three commentaries, so instead I shall just promote this little item that caught my eye! There are also some new items, but as they are related to specific strips I shall highlight them as they come. There is another new book, but as it is related to the next commentary I will highlight it then. See you in a flash!)

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