Sunday, October 31, 2010

Cyanide and Happiness #5, 400-500 [YAWN]

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed my (ahem) break! But now we’re back on track, mostly, and I am going to regale you with some lovely tales of stick figures and improper behavior. That’s right, it’s Cyanide and Happiness time once again! Last time was a bit of a disappointment, but let’s hope this batch has at least three winners.

Anyway, let’s get this party on the road. Go to (I am never, never going to get used to Cyanide and Happiness strips actually going in numeric order) and click the magic “next” button to progress through this adventure!

401. Goodness me I must say that fellow is twisted in more ways than one. Still, fellow, that does not give you ANY Freudian excuses! Setting fire to schools is bad!

402. I don’t know if there’s any single birthday upon which you become a man. In some cultures it is twelve, others thirty. And I believe you become a monster when you kill a man. Sorry, Grey #2.

403. I have to say, the “queen all your life” thing is pretty sweet! And then he did that to that old lady and it all went down the drain. How would you like to be knocked over in old age, hm? Though I think we laugh at our horror at him. Yes.

405. Don’t mine me, I’m just over here, you know, growing a beard


I like that Blue feels down about his joke in the last panel. *hugs them both*

406. I think there’s a Japanese word for this, for someone that only looks beautiful from the back. This I think is a pretty severe case. Though Grey is kind of being a meanie.

407. REMEMBER THE ALAMO. Everyone remembers it, no one knows what it was, except that either David Bowie or Davy Crockett died at it. Oh, look, a car. The stick guy in it is smiling!

409. Excuse me while I laugh my face off at Waldo in C&H form. That’s probably the most creative thing in the comic so far. Hopefully in a sea of solid colors he’ll stand out…just a little! 8D;

408. This is actually a pretty good joke even if I’m not laughing at the moment. What is with these occasional number reversals?

410. Why does it seem like there’s always someone named Simmons in offices? Is there some sort of famous Simmons I am not aware of? Anyway, looks like this place has a revolutionary dress code. *puts on sunglasses* YEAAAHHHHHHH

411. WOO, C&H SUPERHEROES. Superjerk is a new addition to the superhero team. He will save you, but then rip you off again in a dickish way! Makes you wonder why he saved you in the first place! You know why? Because he’s a jerk!

412. I often find myself wondering why one would steal a stop sign. Is there some sort of secret benefit to them of which I am currently unaware? Would knowing why the stealing of stop signs is so awesome make me a much better person than usual? And I don’t think this guy is the GREATEST thief in the world. He didn’t steal the policeman’s mustache.

413. I really don’t get it. You rub this guy’s face and a mouse appears ABOVE you? Unless his face is a mousepad…wait, that IS what it is! How awesome would something like that be? I mean, seriously!

414. I have a feeling this joke has been made before. 8/

415. I have been conditioned to think that this is the extent of the conversations that men have. (I think they’re trying to coddle us into thinking they’re stupid). And I gotta say, yellow, don’t mess with Texas. I’m very surprised you didn’t know that.

416. My superhero-dar is currently jammed by his fellow. He has letters on his chest and he has a gimmick, but he’s not very hammy. So I don’t think he’s a superhero. Ergo, I really do not like this comic.

417. Bunch of fives? I’ve never heard that phrase used for a punch in the face! But I know if I got 5-shaped flowers I would love them. So this comic is adorable! C:

419. I giggled at this comic, because it’s an interesting gender reversal. Then I noticed the text at the bottom for the first time, and it got a lot less funny. Hey, sexually confused teenagers, did you know date rape is a crime that can get you thrown in jail?

418. How’s this for a brick joke, right? I don’t quite get the punchline, but I do love that they brought this plotline back. I do hope they find them. TO THE BOOKSTORE~

420. You know, I must admit, I agree with the egg. I don’t really want to explain why. Wow, comic #420 and no weed jokes?

427. Uh, this is quite a jump! Language joke, language joke…PLOT TWIST D8 Is this a Goatse reference? I bet it is. (DO NOT LOOK THAT UP)

421. You know how Waldo was rendered pretty awesomely in Rob’s style? I’m afraid he didn’t do so great a job with poor ol’ Ash Ketchum. An STD or two, Mr. Doctor? Still, I shall slow clap for the contrivance of your joke.

428. Um, sure, whatever, stick figures, but I don’t see any vote button anywhere. Does that mean it is impossible for you to ever make any jokes again?

429. I wonder if we’re just going on from here, or if we’ll be slingshot back several comics. Hey, I don’t recognize this comic! I think this kind of greeting would be awesome. I mean, other than the not washing hands part. Wash your hands, please! Please! Please!

431. Yeah, I think we’re firmly out of the twenties. AND MORE CYANIDE AND HAPPINESS SUPERHERO-


432. STORE SHIRTED EYE STABBER! I have to admit, this is pretty ingenious. And also the perfect opportunity to inform you loves that the store is finally back up! More info at the bottom of the commentary. Though I don’t think that shirt is still available.

433. That doctor is a jackass. End of story.

435. Ah, my favorite superhero. He got his own.

438. Wow, we’re really skipping around now! I have to admit I giggled my face off at this. That lady looks nothing like Padme, though. Maybe she’s Vader’s second wife?

437. Oh aren’t you scientists so funny! Perhaps those flames are God burning you. (You know I’m kidding. God isn’t that mean.)

439. ASJALJFLSS. I ALWAYS fall for this. I mean without the cancer.

434. Wait, what? I’m still on edge! Where did the SCREECH come from? As for the burrito, I really don’t want to think about that thank you very much.

440. Aww, I don’t think you’re ugly, Turquoise! *hug* I’ll still miss you when you’re gone, though. I’m sorry, so sorry.

441. I hope the numbering’s sorted itself by now. And on the contrary, I think this is the best waiter ever! I’d love to have this waiter.

443. Never mind, the numbering is still being a meanie. Is there some sort of bigger joke to the phrase “You just got SERVED”? Because I would really like to know what it is, if there is one!

444. Blue is actually sane! And what the hell sort of biology thesis is this? I was just reminded that each author has a different flair to them. This is very Dave.

445. HAHA. No matter how horribly it ends, I LOVE the comics where they do something with the panel borders like this. A comic being on fire! People have probably thought it but never done it because they thought it was stupid. And they are wrong, it is awesome. Like kissing.

446. Call it a hunch, but I think he got got got got got himself drunk, got himself love-drunk off her humps, her humps her humps, her lovely lady lumps, check it out! (I can recite most of the rest of the song if you so desire!) A lesson to all men – do not act lewdly to our nether regions!

447. Remember back in C&H #1, when I told you that the C&H writers are probably definitely morally considerate human beings? This comic should prove that to you, and hopefully proved that to ALL the readers. The first paragraph cemented that for me, which is really the only way I’m able to laugh at any of these comics.

This is one of the saddest, sweetest things I have ever read. I’ll say no more, it speaks for itself. Shall I hug them, I think I shall. *hugs*

448. That’s clearly cannibalism, you guys. I also kind of love C&H zombies. They’re pretty cute. C:

449. Charles and Girlfriend, it’s been far too short a time! Girlfriend, you’re still thick as balls, and Charles, you’re still an asshole! Did you know that unchanging relationships create conflict, especially if they are abusive?

452. NUMBERING. Heehee, I like this one. I will say I’ve smelled some fine-smelling men (and women) in my life, but I don’t exactly see how deodorant itself can be that sexy. Well, it’s sexier than no deodorant indeed. Anywy, this all reminds me of that one bit from Anchorman, with Sex Panther. 60% of the time, it works every time. *eyebrow arch*

453. Is running with scissors like a disease? I hope I do not catch it. Considering at this time I am doing the “Red Returns” chapter in GC, and that involves scissors quite a bit, I am concerned now for Annie and Kat as well D8

454. I kind of don’t want to be happy that this fellow saved a nerd’s life. But, still. *hugs a nerd* I love you guys!

455. I have always giggled like an idiot at this comic, because it defies expectations. It starts off mean and then goes into deeper what-the-hell territory than C&H usually penetrates.

460. Well hello, more number skipping problems. 8/ Wait, this gets super, super sad…then super, super mean…then super, super confusing.

462. I’ll admit, I fell for it – I was like, “Huh? Why isn’t this comic loading? But this comic can stay as it is, really.

463. Morgan has very pretty hai –

…what happened in this comic? Who am I?

464. I think, Yellow, that when you encounter a misuse of words in a C&H comic it is a good time to run. Or else a paradox might occur.

466. This is actually one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. Well, not really, but it is pretty sad. I mean, he wanted a simple life, and it got about as complicated as it can get! How’s that for you?

467. I don’t really ever want to hire a stripper. They’re so…cheesy. Though I did giggle at “I’m undercover.” Though I don’t really want to know how that’s a gimmick.

470. OH snap. It’s like The Princess and the Frog in reverse! Well, it is, but yeah. This reminds me of The Beauty and the Beast (the BETTER Disney movie of the two I have mentioned here), wherein I think most people liked Beast better as a beast than as a not-beast.

473. I can’t decide if I like all this number-skipping or not. It makes my job easier, but also feels like a ripoff for you loves… Trelaf the Wise! We have not seen him for some time. I can say this much – the writers of Cyanide and Happiness do believe he is wise.

474. When I first read this, I was like, “huh?” And then I was like, EEEWWW. And then I was like “why the hell would you need them for an art assessment?” And then I was like EEEEWWWWW.


478. Would it be too cynical to say that this is true?

479. To be fair to Billie Joe Holiday, there is a song called “Walking on Broken Glass.”

480. LOL! It changed punchlines at the end. To be fair, scarecrow’s brain is still with the Wizard.

481. 8< Oh dear. When you’re dead all you are is news.

482. This brings ALLL new meaning to the phrase “charm the clothes off anyone.” Though it would appear only the clothes are charmed…

483. First there are some people! And then some more people…and then there is OVERCROWDING IN THE PANEL. I find it unfair that the fat guy cannot be included. I mean come on now!

484. This one is actually the best one ever. Reasons? One, the rugged beard. Two, the corn cob pipe, whatever the hell that is. Three, the inability to express envy. Four, the way he finally expresses it. I’m going to say that is decidedly unsarcastic.

485. I am never, ever trying this. Not even if time travel becomes realistically possible. It just seems sort of dumb and universe-breakin’.

486. Sometimes, a C&H strip can stay on task if it starts with that pickup. Sometimes, it cannot. Unless the point of the green monster was that it was declared to be a joke…wait where am I going with this

487. This strip is very unusual. First off, I think it’s a guarantee that 85% of all money in circulation was at one point or another somewhere near the skin of a stripper. Two, and the moral of this story is, nickels are nigh useless!

488. …where are the judges…

489. Every time I see this strip, I bang my head on the table, over and over and over again. You have to admit it’s a brilliant concept, you really do, but it’s just so stupid. You’d think the boy would interject or something…waaah, now I’m depressed ;_;

492. Unexpected but also AWESOME. I dunno why. I was one of those kids that always stuck things in the microwave just to see what would happen. (Peeps explode.)

490. I like the way the girl looks; she has neat hair. Kris does tend to make his females more detailed than the other three. Rob usually slaps a ponytail on and is done with it, and Matt and Dave just give them various long hair, but here this lady has a spiky ‘do, a headband, and a clear shirt and shorts! Anyway, back to CHEST HAIR. BEST. CHEST. HAIR. EVER.

493. I think this is the one good-hearted father in the strip, even if he is the stupidest. Despite the awful of this one I can’t help but wonder – why could the dog understand what he was saying?

495. The way that Grey puts it, it sounds almost sad and pitiful. x3 And I can’t help but wonder, wow, really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one with a pimple. Uh MOVING ON

496. I soundly disagree! Woodsaws freak me the hell out! But then again so do all sharp objects…

498. You have to admit the way they say it, knowing it and at the same time asking what it is, is pretty silly. Say, speaking of Alex Trebek, have you all seen THIS yet? 8D

497. I don’t want to know what this implies about his farts. But you have to admit it’s…neat.

499. I wonder what inspired the robber to bring it back! I mean, if we went through all the trouble to get the robber sweater, why give up robbery? And why did the lady want his clothes? Oh well, it’s still funny.

500. Emo vs. jaguar…wasn’t this a Youtube phenomenon or somesuch? Whatever. Emo got hit by a jaguar. I think this is one of the few men in C&H with a head of hair. (The others being Jesus and Alex Trebek.)

Well, that was another 100, give or take, strips of Cyanide and Happiness! I’m excited, you know why I’m excited? a) I finally caught up from my massive delay and b) THE C&H STORE IS FINALLY BACK UP. There are several lovely items I shall highlight. First is the C&H PLUSHY, which the description helpfully tells us can be thrown! It comes in three colors, Blue, Green or Naked, and in two facial expressions, Happy and Sleazy. Then there is this poster, which makes me giggle uncontrollably. Finally, there are these two awesome shirts, namely this and this. Do note that older designs are apparently not going to be restocked because they want to add new ones.

Monday is going to be a little different: instead of starting Questionable Content like I had planned, my lovely friend Planet Cool has volunteered to do a (not as long as mine) guest commentary of Bleedman’s infamous Grim Tales from Down Below! From what I understand, he was not a fan of it! So look ahead to that!

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